Why Children Need More Freedom

"Keep in mind that it is only when you feel you have the legitimate right to say no that you can say yes with utmost certainty, sincerity, and enthusiasm." taken from Today's Daily Om, "Finding Freedom in NO" (read all of it here)

Learning All the Time

This was in my e-mail inbox this morning. It describes my view of life and learning pretty accurately. It's a wonderful thing to know that you can learn whenever, whatever, and however you want. The prospect fills me with a joy and excitement that I want to share with everyone. This life of learning is better than any single school could ever be, and the only enrollment requirement is to be alive!

A Life of Learning - Earth School

Life is the province of learning, and the wisdom we acquire throughout our lives is the reward of existence. As we traverse the winding roads that lead from birth to death, experience is our patient teacher. We exist, bound to human bodies as we are, to evolve, enrolled by the universe in earth school, an informal and individualized academy of living, being, and changing. Life’s lessons can take many forms and present us with many challenges. There are scores of mundane lessons that help us learn to navigate with grace, poise, and tolerance in this world. And there are those once-in-a-lifetime lessons that touch us so deeply that they change the course of our lives. The latter can be heartrending, and we may wander through life as unwilling students for a time. But the quality of our lives is based almost entirely on what we derive from our experiences.

Earth school provides us with an education of the heart and the soul, as well as the intellect. The scope of our instruction is dependent on our ability and readiness to accept the lesson laid out before us in the circumstances we face. When we find ourselves blindsided by life, we are free to choose to close our minds or to view the inbuilt lesson in a narrow-minded way. The notion that existence is a never-ending lesson can be dismaying at times. The courses we undertake in earth school can be painful as well as pleasurable, and as taxing as they are eventually rewarding. However, in every situation, relationship, or encounter, a range of lessons can be unearthed. When we choose to consciously take advantage of each of the lessons we are confronted with, we gradually discover that our previous ideas about love, compassion, resilience, grief, fear, trust, and generosity could have been half-formed.

Ultimately, when we acknowledge that growth is an integral part of life and that attending earth school is the responsibility of every individual, the concept of "life as lesson" no longer chafes. We can openly and joyfully look for the blessing buried in the difficulties we face without feeling that we are trapped in a roller-coaster ride of forced learning. Though we cannot always know when we are experiencing a life lesson, the wisdom we accrue will bless us with the keenest hindsight.

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For Me & My Freaky Friends

Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.
Bertrand Russell

Thank You Lucy Burns...

...and thank you Alice Paul, and thank you to all the women who so courageously stood up for women and their right to vote. Thank you for enduring the hardship, humiliation, and even brutality, all to secure the right to vote.

The first three generations of women voters in my family ( my grandmother, my mother, and me)

Thank you to my grandmother, Florence (Grant) Ingerson, for telling me that women weren't allowed to vote when you were a child. I could hardly believe it was that way in your lifetime! Thank you for impressing upon me how much the "privilege" of voting meant to you. As I cast my vote in this presidential election, I was filled with gratitude to you and to all the women who came before me that made it possible for me to do so.

I am grateful and joy-filled that I live in a country where my voice counts. I have seen and heard so much dread and fear expressed during this election season. People on all sides are predicting terrible things for the future of our country, if their party doesn't win. I refuse to give in to that type of fear. As long as we continue to use our voices and our vote to participate in our government, we can ensure our country takes the direction we want. As long as we remember that our government really is us, not them, we will thrive.

(I do not like discussing politics, at all! So, lucky for you, this is all you will hear from me about it.)

"Closing Books Shuts Out Ideas"

That's the logo this year, and we're already right in the middle of it. You know what I'm talking about right? It's......



"Banned Books Week, September 27- October 4, 2008

Banned Books Week 2008 is the 27th annual celebration of the freedom to read. This freedom, not only to choose what we read, but also to select from a full array of possibilities." (ALA website)



They may not be burning books (that much) anymore, but there are still people who think they know what's best for us and that it's up to them to protect us all from the dangers of reading. It amazes me that in this land of freedom, there are those who believe in limiting freedom, freedom to read of all things! It's even more shocking to think that one of our vice-presidential nominees may be one of these people.



If you want to know more about the history of banning books in the U.S., and what are the most recently challenged/banned books, check out the American Library Association's website. If not, just join in the celebration of freedom we DO have, and enjoy a banned book today!

Removing Labels That Stick

I am reprinting today's whole Daily Om because I can identify so much with what is written. I have been labelled by my family as "slow" - for taking too long for everything, "backwards"- for not warming up to strangers immediately and not being more outgoing. These are only two of the labels that I was "stuck with" growing up, and I spent much of my life trying to prove them wrong.


Fortunately, my children can see the value of who they are, even if others try to throw labels at them. With the knowledge that every moment is new, every moment is an opportunity to change or develope in a new way, I have been very diligent about not labelling my children, not even in my thoughts. I know firsthand how limiting it is to believe that others' labels of you are true. I think part of this also came from my many years of working with children who were given labels by the school system. Once told, I would often forget the labels, literally. In my mind, the only purose those labels served was to allow me to work with these children. The labels told me nothing about who the children were, or how I could be of service to them.


Through the blessing of the children I worked with, and my own children, I have learned to see the positive in so many traits that others would view as negative. This is a gift I have only recently been able to give myself. I no longer fight the "slow" label, but relish the fact that my "slowness" allows me to be more reflective and more appreciative of my life than I would be if I tried to keep up with others. I also know that I have more deeply authentic relationships in my life because I do not allow superficial social interactions to dominate my time. If others believe I am backwards, or have no "social life", so be it. I am happy with my life, and I do not let others' labels to take that away from me.


Just like the saying goes, "Labels are for soup cans." (Sorry, I don't know who said that.)
Don't accept labels from ANYONE, especially loved ones. Discover for yourself the good in what others cannot see. :D


Daily Om

February 6, 2008 Turn It Around

Laboring Under A Label



We live in a culture that uses labels as a means of understanding the world and the people living in it. As a result, many of us find ourselves laboring under a label that has a negative connotation. Unless we can find a way to see the good in such a label, we may feel burdened by an idea of ourselves that is not accurate. It is important to remember that almost nothing in this world is all good or all bad, and most everything is a complex mixture of gifts and challenges. In addition, different cultures revere certain qualities over others, but this does not mean that these qualities are inherently good or bad. For example, a culture that elevates outgoing behavior will label an introvert in a negative way, calling them antisocial. In truth, the ability to spend time alone is one that most great artists, mystics, and visionaries share. Owning the positive side of this label can lead us deeper into our gifted visions and fertile imaginations.


When we look into the lives of any of the great people in history, we always find that they had quirks and eccentricities that earned them less than ideal labels from the societies in which they lived. Many famous artists and musicians were considered to be isolated loners or disruptive troublemakers, or sometimes both, yet these people altered history and contributed to the world an original vision or advances in our understanding of the universe. If we can remember this as we examine our own selves and the labels people use to describe us, we find that there is a bright side to any characterization.

If you have been labeled, remember that all you have to do to see the positive side is to turn the label around. For example, you may be considered to be overly emotional, and the fact that you are perceived this way may make you feel out of control. But notice, too, the gifts of being able to feel and express your emotions, even in a world that doesn’t always encourage that. You might begin to see yourself as brave and open-hearted enough to stay alive to your feelings. You may also see that there are certain paths and professions in which this is a necessary ability. As you turn your label around, the light of your true nature shines to guide you on your way .

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Why I Love Mondays, and My Dear Husband

So many people dread Mondays, that I may seem a little odd for loving them so much. But when Monday is one of your spouse's only days off each week, it becomes something to really look forward to, for many reasons. Since we unschool, my children and I are able to enjoy the whole day on Monday with my husband. Our Mondays tend to be wonderful family days.

A few weeks ago we went to play laser tag together. It is so much fun, and I deplore shooting type games. There is so much laughter and squeals of excitement that I don't think I stop smiling the whole time we play. Plus, it can be a pretty good workout! Because we are able to go on Monday, during the time when most children are at school, we usually get the benefit of having the whole place to ourselves, wherever we go. An added benefit that we found out about last time we played is that Monday is $1.oo day where we went to play, that includes games of laser tag, miniature golf, and bowling - all only $1.oo per game!!! That makes it much easier on our wallets. ;)

Last week, we took advantage of the beautiful weather and went out on my parents' boat to "the sandbar". There are so many boats around here, that they really could use traffic control on the water during sunny weekends. However, when we went out, the seagulls were our only lunch companions. My husband had saved a bag of bread crusts from the last time he made bread pudding (which is sooooooo good!), and it didn't take long for the seagulls to flock around the boat! Here's a few pictures of our day.

(A view looking down the length of the sandbar, a view of how far you can walk out in the shallow water - See my brave 8 year old waaaaay out there, past my daughter? )

So far today, my youngest two went with my husband to help plate meals for a fundraiser and now my husband is helping my oldest son refinish his skateboard ramp. Tonight he will be making us a special dinner of crabmeat and pasta.

My husband may not get much time off from work, but he sure knows how to make the most of it, and any time we have together! That's why I love Mondays, and one of the many reasons I love my dear husband.

How Many of Us Need Boot Camp?!

Korea now offers multiple forms of rehabilitation for "internet addiction", including the Boot Camp described in this article. The definitions of addiction seem to be encompassing almost any activity that others deem as too excessive. Is the issue really the internet, or is it a lack of meaningful connections in the "real" world? I sure hope this "rehabilitation" trend doesn't continue to expand without examining the underlying issues that lead to extremes of behaviour. If it does, we could see almost any "passion" that people pursue labelled as an addiction.

Fall Is Just Something...

http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/dlink/index.html?episodeID=8a25c39215463811011547afc4cd0007

The Priveleges of "Adulthood"

( This is my son, with his newly acquired car, which he bought with his own money, before he goes to work at his new job at Hot Topic. Yeah, I'm a proud mom. )

My oldest son is 16 years old. He is now experiencing some of the perks that come with age, namely the ability to drive a car solo, the ability to work for pay in a place he likes, and the ability to have an independent checking account. He is ready for the independence and responsibility these things entail, and I am so happy for him. These things allow him even more freedom and self-determination than he had previously.

I have to admit, I was eager for my son to be able to do these things, because as I stated, he was ready. Unfortunately, there are many things that teenagers today are ready and able to do, but which they are denied access to merely because of their age. Psychologist Robert Epstein, who wrote "The Case Against Adolescence", stated the following in a recent interview:

In recent surveys I've found that American teens are subjected to more than 10 times as many restrictions as mainstream adults, twice as many restrictions as active-duty U.S. Marines, and even twice as many as incarcerated felons. Psychologist Diane Dumas and I also found a correlation between infantilization and psychological dysfunction. The more young people are infantilized, the more psychopathology they show.
What's more, since 1960, restrictions on teens have been accelerating. Young people are restricted in ways no adult would be—for example, in some states they are prohibited from entering tanning salons or getting tattoos.

On the last page of the article, there is a summary list of all the restrictions that have been placed on adolescents, beginning around the time of compulsory education in the 1850's. Today, my friend just told me of another one I wasn't aware of. Apparently, you need to be 21 years old to reserve a hotel room. If my friend wanted to reserve the room for her 18year old daughter, she would have to present ID when checking into the room! What about the 18 year olds that live and work independently? I guess it is just assumed that all 18 year olds are not responsible enough to be in such a position!

I believe that in order for teenagers to transition gracefully into adulthood, they need to be allowed to attempt and practice many of the skills they need before they actually become "adults". It is ludicrous to believe that magically at 21 years of age, people become competent enough for anything in particular. Unnecessarily limiting teenagers' access to activities, and then providing unlimited freedom all at age 21 is foolish at best and harmful at the worst. I think our society has seen enough of the worst effects. It's time to give people (teenagers) the benefit of our trust in their competency, and allow them the freedom to LIVE the life those of us over age 21 are guaranteed in the constitution. We will all reap the rewards.